let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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