well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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