i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
