The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
