that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Randomize
