a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
