is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
