Only a mothe r could love this liver
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize