I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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