Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
