Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
