i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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