You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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