No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
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