she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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