R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Semen is not good for contacts.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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