She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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