just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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