I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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