Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
