Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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