He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
