Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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