just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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