her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
