ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
it's great music for shaving your balls
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Randomize
