Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
