There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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