And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
