I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
