a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
