The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize