i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
