im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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