A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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