For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
