i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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