Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
