Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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