One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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