I can text with my tongue
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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