It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
