My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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