dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
