We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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