Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
In America we eat man semen.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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