I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
