I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
