I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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