wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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