just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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