i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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