If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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