Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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