When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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