Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
