I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize