Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
