The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
