apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
