My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
