My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I think I have vodka in my lungs
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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