$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
