dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
