We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
