Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
NoShamevember. You game?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
