god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize